Across The Universe Nowhere Man Chapter 3 Say You Wanna Revolution
by darling delaney
Summary: When Max goes missing in action Lucy is devastated. Jude struggles to support her and deal with his own grief while Lucy is again tempted by radicalism. Can their love survive and has the worst happened?


NOWHERE MAN CHAPTER 3 SAY YOU WANNA REVOLUTION

It had been more than a month since the news and still there was no indication of Max's circumstances. For Lucy not knowing was absolute torture. She could not even grieve properly because she did not know if Max was really dead. She couldn't allow herself to hope for fear she would be disappointed. At times she almost wished she would get the news that Max was dead and put her out of this terrible limbo. Then she was disgusted with herself for thinking such a thing. Her emotions were all over the place and every waking moment was filled with a crushing agony that shackled her like a red hot band.

Jude meanwhile was wrestling with his own anguish. As the weeks went on Lucy's sorrow didn't subside. Night after night Jude held her as she sobbed and cried out for Max. He wanted to comfort her but he could feel a barrier between them. They never made love now and Lucy no longer tenderly caressed and kissed him in the way that had given him such pleasure. She ate hardly anything and didn't sleep. (She refused to take sleeping tablets for fear of becoming addicted) She became pale, listless, and withdrawn in a way that broke Jude's heart. Her beautiful blue eyes, once so soulful and warm, were despairing and lifeless. Her lovely smile never lit up her face and she began to let herself go. Jude and the others were at a loss to help her. Her mother had suggested therapy but Lucy dully responded that it wouldn't bring Max back. Jude knew that no amount of therapy or pills could cure her broken heart. Only love could do that yet she seemed impervious to all that Jude and the others were trying to give her.

Jude was sitting in the apartment, sketching, his heart heavy. If only he could draw Max and make him come to life but he knew it was impossible. He looked aghast at the dead bodies he had drawn, his mood reflected in the way he expressed himself best. He had better not let Lucy see it. She was doing a shift at the diner. She said that working kept her mind occupied but in the last week she had taken on extra shifts. Jude couldn't help feeling that she was trying to avoid him and he was weighed down with sadness. He was losing her. She was a shadow of her former self, no longer the warm, alive and loving girl he had worshipped. He was at a loss to break through the wall of pain she had built around herself. He watched as his hand involuntarily sketched a girl standing on an island, surrounded by an ocean of tears.

He heard the door open and Lucy came in. Quickly he put away his work and went over to her.

"Hi, love. Had a good day?"

He took her in his arms and kissed her but she returned the kiss mechanically and there was no ardour in the arms around him. Yet he couldn't help noticing there was a spark of life in her dark-rimmed eyes that hadn't been there before – and her mouth seemed set in a new determination he hadn't seen in weeks.

"No news, I suppose," she asked, her voice resigned.

"No." Jude shook his head sadly.

Jude's eye caught the newspaper lying on the sofa. To his horror he saw the headline on Vietnam on the front page. How could he have been so careless? He reached out to take it but Lucy had already seen it.

"Damn war!" she exclaimed with such venom Jude started. "It goes on and on and for what? When will the fucking government listen to us?" She banged the table with her fist, making Jude jump. This was the most animated she had been in weeks. He started to feel afraid in case it would unleash an anger he couldn't deal with.

Well, they'll damn well have to," Lucy continued, almost talking to herself. Then she turned to Jude "I know you objected to my getting involved in anti-war protests before but this time you won't stop me."

"What are you talking about?" asked Jude, starting to feel uneasy. In her stricken state was she going to do something reckless?

"There's a protest this evening at the university. A Department of Defence official is speaking at a function and we're gonna storm the building and demand that this war is stopped once and for all."

"You can't be serious, Lucy," he exclaimed. When Lucy had first become involved in anti war protests they had become violent and Lucy had left the group when she discovered that they were making bombs. She and Jude had clashed over the amount of time she had spent fighting the cause and it had driven them apart. Since then Lucy had attended demos and was involved in the anti-war society at College. But their methods were strictly peaceful and Lucy made sure it didn't take over her life. Jude knew she had a reason to protest and didn't object to her involvement as it wasn't quite so intense this time around. He had even marched beside her – not just to protect her but because he also wanted an end to the war.

"I am, Jude," said Lucy in a steely tone. "It's no use to just protest and hand out leaflets. We've got to do something that gets us noticed. And I don't care if I'm arrested. I've been like a zombie these last few weeks but that's all going to change."

Immediately Jude had a flashback. Lucy being dragged screaming by police officers, he desperately running towards her calling her name as he tried to rescue her. He had reached her but just as they had been about to touch he had been beaten by Police, arrested then deported when it had been discovered that he was an illegal immigrant. Then there had been the agony back home when he had read in the Liverpool Echo about the organization members being killed by home-made bombs and he had been convinced that Lucy was dead. He had gone through the same torture and uncertainty she was now. He couldn't go through it again.

"Lucy," he now said as she came out of their room, wearing her jacket. "If I got down on my knees and begged you not to go would it make any difference?"

"None at all, Jude," said Lucy shortly. "This war has claimed enough lives. Daniel – Max. How many more soldiers will die before the government listens?"

As she turned towards the door Jude reached out and grabbed her wrist. He looked at her with pleading eyes. "Lucy, please – I beg you. Don't go. Don't risk yourself like this if you love me."

Lucy pulled her wrist away furiously. "Don't blackmail me like that, Jude, she said, her voice rising with anger. "If you really loved me you'd respect my beliefs."

"You know I do, Lucy. I want an end to this war too. I want Max home and –,"

"Well, he's not coming home." There was now a hysterical edge to her voice. "I know that now. I'm not going to build up my hopes just to be disappointed. And if you really wanted an end to this you wouldn't stop me now. So you can beg me all you like Jude but it won't stop me."

Jude was blocking the door and Lucy tried to push past him. Tenaciously he tried to stand his ground as she fought him with a strength he had never known she possessed.

"Let me go, Jude. You can't keep me locked up here. Let me go, you bastard."

Her nails dug deeply into his wrist and he cried out in pain. Taking advantage she ran out the door, slamming it loudly. Jude would have run out after her except he was barefoot.

As he heard her footsteps echoing down the stairs he leaned against the door nursing his bleeding wrist. Then he banged the door with his fist exclaiming "Shit!"

"If you go now, it's over between us," he called, knowing she had heard.

"Fine," Lucy called back. "I'll come back for my stuff then I'll move out."

Jude wanted to smash the apartment up in rage and frustration. He saw the newspaper with the Vietnam headline and angrily ripped it to shreds. This damn war had robbed him of a friend and Lucy of a brother. It had almost robbed him of Lucy last time - was it going to succeed this time?

He went to the kitchen and poured himself a large scotch and then another. His thoughts were in turmoil and the consequences of his final words to Lucy were now beginning to hit him, causing despair to flood through him.

As if to torture him, the memory of his first night with Lucy after their reunion on the rooftop floated into his mind. _They had lain in each other's arms, her naked skin against his, having just made passionate love and he had stroked her cheek in the darkness and murmured into her hair "I love you, Lucy, and I won't let anything come between us again."_

"_It won't, Jude, my darling," she had whispered as she had touched his face then caressed his neck and hair. "I swear it. You mean more to me than anything_."

Well, she hadn't kept that vow, he thought bitterly. Once again she was putting her crusade before their relationship. Jude had no objection to her attending peaceful protests but he was terrified that she would be caught up in violence. She wasn't thinking straight at the moment, she could do something really crazy.

Which was why he had to go after her. Despite his anger Jude still loved Lucy and couldn't bear to think of her coming to any harm. Reluctantly he put on his shoes, socks, and jacket then made his way to the university.


End file.
